Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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