We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
