Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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