I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
