I haven't been this sober since birth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
