im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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