What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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