and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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