our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
