If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
