Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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