her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize