I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
