remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
