I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
