I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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