Got a toothbrush?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
