Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize