Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
