I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
