id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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