Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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