that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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