I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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