so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
