She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
