Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
