i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
