He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize