I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
