I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
