She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Congratulations! We have a period
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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