my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
