you turned your livingroom into a bong?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
