I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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