oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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