she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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