you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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