I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
