I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
