By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
