Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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