And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
