Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
