I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
