so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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