Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize