I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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