the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
