Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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