i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize