ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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