If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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