She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
