Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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