You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
