Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
