I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
