there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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