It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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