Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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