he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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