i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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