i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
