Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize