i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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