Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize